


Stay With Me

by potionsmaster



Series: Death Wish [5]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mShenko, no place like home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 00:51:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9632399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster
Summary: “We do not need to grieve for the dead.  Why should we grieve for them?  They are now in a place where there is no more shadow, darkness, loneliness, isolation, or pain.  They are home…”~ Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom, John O’Donohue





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BardofHeartDive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardofHeartDive/gifts).



> Have some fluff! And, of course, I will demand my pound of flesh for each instance

**_Stay With Me_** , by potionsmaster

 

Rating: M for major character death, m/m action.  Not at the same time, though…that’d be gross.

 

 

~~~~~~

 

“SHEPARD!!”

 

_Everything hurts.  Heavy breathing echoing in my helmet, can’t breathe, heartbeat racing, can’t breathe, I need air, heart rate increasing, can’t breathe can’t fucking breathe can’t get enough air, I need help, Kaidan, it burns!  Help!  HELP!! I can’t brea -_

 

~~~~~~

 

I wake up with a start and I’m warm.  For once.  Lately, whenever I sleep, I’m always cold.  What a terrible nightmare... Rhythmic puffs of air raise goosebumps on the back of my neck and a heavy arm around my middle draws me closer.  My heartbeat is still pounding, but it’s lessening back to normal every second.  I snuggle backwards, burrowing into the safe circle of his arm.  

 

 _Kaidan_.

 

He’s there, tucked up behind me.  Apparently happy to be there, too, from what I gather...I arch myself against him, not wanting to lose the sleepy coziness.  I don’t remember how we got here, or even where ‘here’ is, but I’m not questioning it.  It’s what I’ve been wanting. Dreaming of, even.  Wishing for.  And finally have.

 

“ _Mmm_...good mornin’...”

 

His sleep-gruff voice purrs in my ear and he grinds himself against me, pressing a kiss against my bare shoulder.  Elation swims through my gut.  I still can’t for the life of me remember how we got here, but it’s not important.  Sunlight streams through the window above the bed, blue skies and birds chirping outside. We must be away from the city; I see the tops of trees in the distance.  I’ve never had a chance to experience Earth like this before.  Maybe we’re at the orchard in BC that Kaidan had mentioned.

 

“G’mornin’,” I chuckle as I squirm around and face him, bringing us nose to nose.  Dark brown eyes glow with a golden touch in the morning light, like a jar of honey held up to the sun.  Beautiful...I trace a disbelieving fingertip over his strong, dark brows and he smiles at me.

 

“It’s like you’re looking at me for the first time again,” he whispers.

 

“Aren’t I?” I reply softly.  He captures my hand in his slightly larger one and brings it down to his lips, kissing my knuckles.

 

“I suppose you are for today, maybe...we haven’t gotten to tomorrow yet.  Then you can look at me for the first time all over again.”

 

“You’re so weird…”

 

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘deep’.”

 

“No, I’m pretty sure I meant ‘weird’.”

 

“Takes one to know one, then…”  He pulls me close and our lips meet in a soft caress, impossibly gentle.  We roll over, him on his back and me straddling him.  My heart rate goes up again when our groins press against each other, dog tags clinking softly as they dangle and drag on his chest.  Kaidan pauses a moment and removes the chain from around my neck, tossing it on the nightstand with his before kissing me deeply again, both chains tangling together.

 

~~~~~~

 

_“Commander Shepard has been recovered.  Project Lazarus shall proceed as planned.”_

 

~~~~~~

 

I awaken with a jump, low murmur of hospital staff outside my room, monitors beeping softly in the background.  Kaidan’s there, sitting by the bed and scrolling through a datapad.

 

“Did...did you say something?” I ask, throat dry and scratchy.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Project...Lazarus?”

 

“No…” he said softly, putting the datapad aside and sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. His fingers find mine on top of the blanket, lending their warmth to my chilled ones.  “You look like death warmed over.”

 

My laugh turns into a coughing fit before I can speak, throat drier than the deserts of Tuchanka.   

 

“Wha...what happened?”

 

“You fainted…I brought you in to get checked out.”  He brings a cup of water up to my parched lips and I swallow gratefully.

 

“Dr. Chakwas…?”

 

My voice is too rough to ask a full question.

 

“Not here, Blake.  She’s still on the Normandy.  Best thing she ever did was have us medically discharged.”

 

“Reapers?”

 

“Not a worry anymore.  The doctor’s outside; she wants to check a few things.”

 

“Oh...who?”

 

He brings the straw to my lips once more, then laces his fingers through mine again, touch light as a ghost.

 

“Operative Miranda Lawson.”

 

His voice has an almost echoing quality to it.  My eyelids are heavy, sinking lower and lower, and I drift off again.

 

~~~~~~

 

My feet are cold.  I wake up on a couch, knit blanket tucked carefully around my shoulders.  Late afternoon sunlight filters through the partially closed blinds in bold patches on the carpet, sleek gray cat curled up to absorb the heat.  I have no idea why I’m on a couch.  Muffled rustlings come from the kitchen.

 

“...Kaidan?”

 

I struggle to extract myself from the blanket; somehow I’m all tangled up with my arms in it and I can’t seem to get free.  He pops his head around the corner, eyes crinkling the corners like they always do when he smiles.

 

“Having trouble there, Blakely?” he chuckles.  I roll my eyes at him and stop fighting the straightjacket of a blanket.

 

“Fuck off,” I grumble. “Or better yet, fuck over here and help me out of this mess.  Did you put the blanket on me?”

 

Still laughing, he sits on the edge of the couch and kisses me softly.  His hand is a welcome weight on my lower legs.

 

“Yeah.  You were cold, so I tucked you in.  I should’ve known better.  How did you even manage to do that?”

 

“I don’t even know... _ow_ , Kaidan!  What the _hell_?”  

 

Something is pinching my toes.  They must’ve been asleep; pins-and-needles explode across my lower legs and I can’t move them out of the way.  Kaidan moves his hand to my other foot and the same thing happens again.

 

“Proprioception response sluggish still, but vastly improved since the last test.  Expect full response at next testing.”

 

I stare at him.  He’s got a smile on his face that doesn’t match the gobbledegook he just said.

 

“...the fuck are you saying?”

 

“I _said_  who knew your feet were so ticklish?” he chuckles, tugging at my toes.  The pain is less sharp this time.  ”Don’t worry.  Your secret’s safe with me.”  He leans forward and kisses me gently again.

 

~~~~~~

 

My heart is pounding.  I can hear it thumping, feel it thrumming in my chest.  I’m breathing heavily, but controlled.  Rhythmic.  My skin is crawling with goosebumps and a shiver of pleasure runs down my spine, pooling below my stomach.  I snap my eyes open with a gasp and stare at the dark ceiling.  Soft-edged shadows dance on the blank surface, the full moon hangs low and heavy outside the window.

 

It takes me a moment to recognize where I am: the bedroom again.  Another spark of pleasure ignites in my gut, sending it racing along my body and wrenching another gasp from my lips.  Wet heat is wrapped around my arousal and I lift my head off the pillow to glance down.  A lock of black hair falls loosely on his forehead, dark eyes glittering at me in the low light.  

 

_Kaidan._

 

He’s there, kissing my inner thighs, tongue lapping at the base of me before he moves up and gives it a quick kiss and licks back down.  His eyelashes flutter against them, gossamer touches on the sensitive skin.  I reach for him clumsily and he meets my eyes again.

 

“Welcome back…” the sultry chuckle says.  I struggle to sit up, but a warm hand slides up my stomach and chest, gently pushing me back down.  His mouth envelopes me again, tongue swirling around the tip.  I cover the hand on my chest with my own, lacing our fingers together and resting over my heart.

 

“Just breathe, Blake…” he whispers, “I got you.”  

 

~~~~~~

 

Pain.

 

It lances through me, searing along my nerves and stealing my breath.  I gasp, struggling to open my eyes against the weight of the lids.  Voices meander through the air, distant but in my ear all at once.

 

“There.  On the monitor.  Something’s wrong…”

 

Harsh lights overhead, medical equipment. Mechanical beeps and blips in the distance, coming closer as I fight to bring myself to consciousness.   Med-bay?  No...Kaidan had said I was medically discharged.  I can’t remember...His touch is cool on my forehead, reassuring.

 

“He’s reacting to outside stimuli. Showing an awareness of his surroundings... My _god_ , Miranda...I think he’s waking up.”

 

“Dammit, Wilson, he’s not ready yet.  Give him the sedative!” Dr. Lawson snaps, coming over to my side.  It’s hard to breathe.  I can’t...my pulse is rushing in my ears, drowning almost everything out besides my own ragged breathing.   _Need to control it...need to count._  A flash of heat races along the underside of my skin, burning. I reach out for him.  Nothing.

 

 _Kaidan_.  

 

“Shepard!” Dr. Lawson said, almost kindly.  She grabs my wrist and places it back on the bed, patting it gently.  “Don’t try to move...just lie still, try and stay calm.”

 

“Heart rate is still climbing.  Brain activity is off the charts!  Stats pushing into the red zone...  It’s not working!”

 

I need Kaidan.  Where did he go?

 

“Another dose,” she snaps again.  “NOW.”

 

Another rush of fire flushes through my veins, everywhere it touches pausing and becoming heavy.  Their voices echo uncomfortably in my skull.  Kaidan’s off to the side, worried.  He knows enough to stay out of the way.  I can’t move my head to look at him anymore, it’s too heavy.  Too hard to move, too much work.  Wilson’s voice hits my ears, bouncing and sliding off my brain.  It’s hard to comprehend.  

 

“Heart rate dropping.  Stats falling back into the normal range.”

 

She’s above me again, sympathetic concern on her face. Wilson keeps talking.

 

“That was too close...we almost lost him.”  

 

She doesn’t like that at all.  The venomous look she shoots him would be enough to paralyze me the rest of the way.  

 

“I told you your estimates were off.  Run the numbers again.”

 

I blink.  Something’s not right. Kaidan’s face is superimposed over hers as a tsunami of crushing sleepiness washes over me.

 

“ _Stay with me…breathe..._ ” he whispers, kissing my palm and placing it gently back on the bed.  I try to speak.

 

“Kaidan…”

 

Everything fades to gray, then darkness.

 

~~~~~~

 

The darkness is thin this time, the edge of dawn pushing at the blanket of shadows in the corners of the room.  His head is pillowed on my shoulder, my arm around him and his hand resting on my chest.  I don’t know what woke me up, but having him resting with me is enough to keep whatever waiting demons in the dark at bay.  His breathing is a soothing lullaby, soft, even. Steady.  I realize as I drift back to sleep that I’m subconsciously matching the constant, unfaltering rhythm.  

 

It feels good to be here, at home.

 

~~~~~~

 

I’m groggy.  In the damn hospital bed again...must’ve had another episode and Kaidan must’ve rushed my stubborn ass to the ER again.  I feel myself flickering in and out of consciousness, flashes of Dr. Lawson with my chart and consulting with a nurse occasionally making it interesting.  Sometimes she’s standing above me, peering at my face, sometimes she’s arguing with Wilson.  Other times it’s Kaidan standing above me, hand cupped on my cheek.  I put my hand over his, IV lines pinching.  I don’t care.  I just want to feel his skin on mine.  Touch him once more.

 

“Take me home, Kaid,” I mumble.  “‘M alright…”

 

“ _You can’t stay with me, Blake…Not right now.  I’ll be waiting for you at the end of it.  You better fight like hell so I have the chance to hold you again._ ”

 

Something shakes the bed.  Muffled noises are growing in intensity.  Everything hurts as I start to come to again, heartbeat starting to race the more aware I become, can’t breathe, can’t fucking breathe, can’t get enough air, I need help, Kaidan -

  
“Wake up, Commander!” Dr. Lawson’s voice cuts through the air like a scalpel.  “Shepard, do you hear me?  This facility is under attack...”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
